Waiting for a Child

“So, when are you going to have children?  You have been married for a while now, right?”  To some this seems like an innocent and normal question.  Yet to me, it is a painful reminder of what has yet to happen.

“We aren’t exactly sure what the future holds”, I say as nonchalantly as I can with a forced smile.

Truth is I have been pregnant before and have had a miscarriage.  Those that we told were supportive and tried to encourage us that it would happen again. However, at times, we are not certain if this is to be our reality.

And yet, we did get another opportunity at parenthood. Painfully, we again endured another loss. It is hard to explain how you can feel such a vacuum for a life you have never met. The pain is so real.

These conversations are always awkward for me.  I realize that to most it is an innocent and normal question.  Infertility issues and miscarriages have created realistic and irrational fears that I am working through.  Often, I find that my body, mind, spirit, and emotions are not in agreement.

Although difficult, I am trying to learn to take one day at a time praying that we will be given the opportunity to bring a child of our own into this world. It is not easy to learn to trust that God is in control after two miscarriages.  There are days that I feel helpless and hopeless. I pray, in time, that God will give me the strength that I need to accept what the future holds. –B.R., Florida

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